August 3

How To Succeed When Others Want To See you Fail: Overcoming the Haters!

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How many of you have ever experienced what appeared to be slights by others or a lack of support from those who you thought were in your corner? Those slights can lead to feelings of surprise, uncertainty and sometimes even resentment or anger. Well, you may have some “haters” in your midst! While firmly rooted as a slang term, the word “haters” refers to an individual or group that does not want to see you do well and is not supportive of your efforts.

Dr. Jason Carthen: How to Succeed when others want to see you fail

Social Desirability

Let me share with you why overcoming “haters” is vital to your long-term personal and professional success. There is a fascinating theory called “Social Desirability.” which suggests that each one of us has an innate desire to be liked and to be perceived a certain way amongst others. For many people, this social desirability drives much of their behavior and dominates their thoughts and actions. The problem with social desirability is that it is contingent upon the actions of others which can lead to unmet expectations, or unrealistic and unhealthy relationships.

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As social desirability relates to “haters”, if you are waiting on their acknowledgement or support, you may be waiting for a long time, so it is important that you not become distracted and instead increase your capacity for success despite their lack of support. Here are four ways that you can immediately increase this capacity while serving alongside others who may want to see you fail.

1. Maintain Your Focus:

There is no greater cure for the naysayers than to keep an eye on what you are attempting to achieve through focus. The more that you can focus on the task at hand, the greater likelihood that you will succeed in your efforts. It’s when we become distracted that we can succumb to the opinions of others and begin a negative downward spiral based upon their comments, actions or behaviors.

2. Demonstrate Discipline:

Discipline represents consistent effort day after day to maintain forward movement. This forward movement creates a certain level of self-confidence and optimism that will be needed during those times that you must engage with those who do not want to see you perform well.

3. Remain Gracious:

This may sound strange, but remaining gracious diffuses a lot of anger and bitterness from those who may not be supportive of your efforts. Furthermore, you should not get in the habit of sacrificing your character or values based upon someone else’s negativity.

4. Small Circle of Allegiance:

During times of struggle or what I like to call trials, you need to maintain relationships that are uplifting and genuine. In other words, you need a safe place to vent, be encouraged and not risk judgement. This is readily achieved by cultivating a small circle of allegiance with those whom you can confide in and share your obstacles. The comfort of genuine “Koinonia” (Greek word for fellowship) helps to soothe many wounds from a harsh day or week.

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While I know that it is hard to be amongst those who you know are against you, always remember that everything takes place for a “reason” and typically only for a “season”, so if you can just remain consistent through the storm, it will pass and allow you to be better for it on the other side.

Please leave a comment or post on my Facebook Page and share with our community how you overcame a tough situation when others may have wanted to see you fail.

Thanks for staying connected!


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